Help Me Out of This
by happy-rea
Summary: With problems at home in her seventh year Lily starts to retreat more and more into herself. Can James resucue her before it is to late? and does she want to be rescued at all? Rated T just incase. Disclamer: I own nothing apart from Hannah
1. Prologe

"Get the letters Lilly" Mr Evens said

"Get the post Lily," Mr Evans said

"Why can't Petunia get them? I'm eating." Lily fought back knowing it was worthless.

Ever since she could remember, fighting with her dad was never going to change anything. He was the stereotypical man of the house meaning that what he said happened no matter how unfair it was.

Mr. Evans just gave Lily a look which told Lily to do as he said or else. Lily sighed, finished her mouthful and went to get the letters.

As Lily walked down the hallway she thought about the prospect of her new school, where she would be going next month. She had been looking forward to it for ages since her older sister started going there three years ago.

Lily flicked through the letters. Bills, bills, letter from the hospital for her dad, more bills and a letter for _her? _Why would anyone write to her? It looked so formal as well. Petunia her elder sister came down the corridor wondering why Lily was taking so long. When she got to her younger sister and saw what she was staring at Petunia also focused her eyes on this strange letter. Lily voiced her thoughts out loud to see if her sister was thinking the same thing.

"It looks so formal they must mean Mum. She had the same initials as me. Just a mistype I'll go hand it to Mum"

Petunia blinked and then looked down at the letter once more, hoping that it had changed; it hadn't.

_Miss L. __Evans_

_18 Merry Field Lane_

_Little Whinging_

_Surry_

"Maybe…" Petunia said "Maybe"

"Should I open it? I mean, it could be for me and then I wouldn't want mum looking at my letter before me. But then if it is for Mum I don't want to read her letter Tuney what do you think?"

"I think you have the right to open it as it does say your name and then if it is for Mum you have a reason for opening it before hand and then she can't shout at you for it."

"Thanks Tuney. That's a good idea" Lily sighed happy that her sister had helped her come to this decision and started to open the letter. She smiled when she saw it was indeed for her.

Petunia looked at her sister wondering what was in this letter. She saw her sister smiled and knew that she had been right in assuming the letter was for her. However when her sisters smiled fell from her face and a frown replaced it she started to wonder whether she had done the wrong thing in telling her sister to open the letter.

"Lily?" She asked tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"What's the letter for?"

"It's a joke. Has to be. There is no way this is real."

"What is it?" Petunia asked getting annoyed with her sister not answering her question.

"Well, apparently I have got into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I mean it's a joke but a very good one. It looks so real. I think I'll go show Dad. It might make him smile, he needs to smile a bit more. I know he is ill but he should still smile."

Lily got to her feet, for she had sat down after reading her letter, and ran along the hall to the kitchen to show her father the letter. Meanwhile Petunia slid down the wall as her legs collapsed under her and she could no longer support herself. Unlike Lily she thought it was real as she remembered what _that _boy said.

"You're a witch"

She was jealous of her sister, how long had she wished to have magical powers. She could do something worthwhile she could help her father. Make him better.

A knock on the door shocked her out of her thoughts as she stood up and hastened to answer the door.

Standing on the doorstep was a man with a long beard of a auburn colour. Petunia looked up at him in his brightly coloured robes. She knew what he was going to say and hated him for it.

"She's in the kitchen" she said with a sigh as she let him in.

"Thank you Petunia"

How did he know her name? He had come to talk to her sister about her new life and her new school. Well, she didn't care. What was he wearing; he looked like a freak, she decided as she walks towards the kitchen. Even if she thought he was a freak she still wanted to know what he said.

"…I understand that this is new to you but I can promise you that your daughter is a witch and we would love to have her at our school…"

Petunia got bored and drifted out of the conversation and left the room. Lily however was enraptured with what Professor Dumbledore was saying, for of course it was he. She was a witch; she could do magic.

* * *

While Lily was thinking about how amazing it would be to do magic James Potter sat on his bed looking at his letter. He had wanted to go to Hogwarts all his life. But now he just wanted to stay at home and look after his family. He could not even start to think about the possibility of leaving home for most of the year. With his parents both terminally ill all he wanted to do was look after them and help them get through the last few years of their lives. He was scared that something would happen to them while he was gone.

"Mum," He got off his bed and started down the stairs "my letter came. But I'm not sure if I should go."

"WHAT? What are you thinking of when you say you're not going to go?"

"I'd rather have a tutor and stay here"

"This is because of me and your father isn't it?"

"Well yes. But…"

"Now you listen to me James Harold Potter" James looked up. When his mother used his middle name he knew that she meant business. "You have wanted to go to Hogwarts all your life and now just because your father and I are ill you are going to stay home. Well, I'll tell you this. You _WILL _go to Hogwarts and you _WILL_ enjoy yourself. If you want we can ask if you can come home once a month to check up on us, but I would prefer it if you didn't as it would spoil your schooling. Now go owl your dad that we are going to Diagon Ally and will meet him there while I'll reply to your new school"

"OK"

James got up and left to go get his owl. He knew his father would have told him exactly the same thing as his mother and he was just being silly.

"Hogwarts here I come." He spoke his thoughts and he ran upstairs, a wide grin on his face

* * *

A few weeks after Lily got her letter Lily started feeling the same way as James. She was on her bed curled up as small as she could make herself. She wanted to disappear, it was all her fault. Tuney was right she could have done something.

"all my fault, it's all my fault" she repeated as her own personal mantra. "He's dead and it is all my fault"

Petunia walked in to her sister's room, tears in her eyes. When her father died she had to blame someone and like always that someone was her sister. She went in to apologise but as she walked in she saw her sister's trunk and remembered why she wanted to be a witch in the first place. She wanted to help her father, she had tried to help him as much as she could but she had failed him. So instead of comforting her sister she shouted at her.

"It's your fault Lily"

"I know, it's all my fault"

"Well, why didn't you do something? You could have helped him you're a witch. You could have healed him."

"I know, I know" Lily moaned

"You shouldn't be a witch. You're not worth it."

"I know. I wont go. I'll stay here and make it up to you. I will Tuney I promise. I'll stay here"

"No you will go and you will see if you can stay there for ever. I don't want you anywhere near me."

"Tuney… Tuney please" Lily whined "Tuney please don't turn me away. Tuney please I need you, please"

"No. Stay out of my way. I don't want to see you"

Petunia stormed out of Lily's room. She hated telling her sister that but she couldn't say anything else. She didn't want to see her sister she looked too much like her father. She could still hear Lily talking.

"I'll go, Tuney but only 'cause you want me to. I won't let you down again Tuney I promise I'll look after Mum I promise I won't make the same mistake as a witch I'll try to help. I'll try. I promise, Tuney I promise."

tbc...

**A/N: what do you think. i know it is not brilliant but i thought it was quite good. this is my first fanfiction so be nice please. and remember to review**


	2. Chapter 1: Going Back To School

Chapter 1:

Lily sighed. It had been seven years after she got her letter from Hogwarts, her father's death and her promise to her sister. Lily hadn't let anyone know of her promise but she intended to keep it. It was for this reason she had sent a letter to Professor Dumbledore a few weeks ago. She sighed again as she looked at a copy of the letter she had sent to Dumbledore and almost started crying. She wished it wasn't this way but it was this or break her promise. Breaking her promise was the one thing Lily knew she would never do. She looked at the letter once again and felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she thought about what she had given up.

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I regret to inform you that I will not be returning to Hogwarts for my final year. I have decided to stay at home to look after my mother who has recently been confined to a wheel chair. She is in need of my help and magic and I intend to let her have it. I apologise but I do not see how I can look after my mother at Hogwarts. I also ask that you do not let anyone know why I am not returning and that you say it is for personal reasons. I wish it was possible to come back to school this year but like I have already said I do not think it would work.

Yours sincerely

Lily Evans

She jumped as she thought she had heard her mum in pain, she ran to check but saw that it was just because she had moved in her sleep. With her mum still asleep she went back downstairs. She was starting to get annoyed with her mum now as she refused to take Lily's old bedroom, which was downstairs, instead of the master bedroom, which was upstairs. Lily would help her mum up and down the stairs with use of magic. She would help her get anything from the cupboards that she could not reach and talk to her when she was silent. Lily knew her mother did not approve of her letter to Dumbledore saying she should not give up her studies for her but, there was nothing she could say to change Lily's mind. Lily would just reply.

"If I go you would have to move house"

Lily knew this was the one thing her mother would never do. She was still mourning her husband and it was for this reason that she had stayed in the master bedroom. Lily hated sinking to the level of reminding her mother of her father but if that was the only way to make her see sense then that would be what she would do.

She sat down in the lounge with her charms book. Even if she was not going back to Hogwarts she still intended to learn new spells this year. She had already ordered new books from Flourish and Blotts. Advanced Charms and Charms for the housework. She had thought these would come in useful and wanted to make sure she could help her mum out as much as possible.

She heard the doorbell, sighed and put her book down as she walked towards the door_. It must be the postman with that muggle package I ordered_. But standing on her doorstep was Professor Dumbledore . She let him in with a confused look on her face

"Hello Lily," He spoke first.

"Good Morning sir, but…" She was about to continue when she heard her mother cry in pain. She turned and ran upstairs, pushing Dumbledore out of the way so she could get there 

quicker. She would not forgive herself if something happened while she was talking with her headmaster. Her mother was the most important person in the world; she no longer cared about fighting Voldemort. She had a new battle now; fighting for her mother.

"Lily. Where are you? Lily!" Screamed her mother as she thrashed around on the floor.

Lily gently calmed her mother and placed her back on the bed.

"I'm here Mum, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't go, Lily, don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere Mum, not even back to school. I'm going to stay here, remember I told you I wrote to my headmaster and told him I would not be coming this year. Remember I told you." Lily gasped as she remembered Dumbledore turning up on the door step.

"Oh no"

"What? Lily what?

"Dumbledore's down stairs. I pushed him out of the way when I heard you scream. I'm so dead." Lily began to worry. As she wasn't going to go back to school could he still punish her?

"Let's go downstairs Lily. I'll talk to him. I didn't agree with you quitting school to begin with but when I thought you weren't here I realised how much I have come to rely on you"

"Are you sure Mum? I don't want you to tire yourself out. I can talk to him, you stay here and go back to sleep. You don't look like you slept well."

"I'll be fine. Stop worrying. Take me downstairs Lily. Please."

"You can go downstairs. But I'll do the talking," Lily compromised

Once her mother had agreed, Lily muttered the spell to pick people up and carry them around. Lily was proud of this spell as she had invented it herself from working on the spell that Potter had used on Sev- but she refused to think about that anymore. She would not let that her thoughts think about either Potter, the big headed prat, or Sev, the greasy haired slime ball.

Before Lily left the room she picked up her mother's chair and went downstairs, her mother in the air ahead of her. Lily was worried that her Headmaster was going to tell her that if she left Hogwarts she would never be able to do magic again. Could he do that? Without that magic there was no way her mother could keep living here; she shuddered and hoped that that was not the reason Dumbledore was here.

When Lily got her mother downstairs she realised that Dumbledore had sat himself down in the lounge and was enjoying a lemon sherbet. _That's good; he didn't see me carrying Mum downstairs_. She sighed with relief and pushed her mother into the lounge to join her teacher.

"I'm sorry professor, but I had to check on my mother. I didn't mean to push you over."

"You have to look after your mother; it's quite understandable."

"Sir, can I ask you a question?"

"You already have but you may ask another."

"Why are you here, sir? Didn't you get my letter? I am sorry but I have decided to stay at home. I have to look after my mother and I can't do that at Hogwarts."

"I am here for two reasons, Lily. The first is indeed about your mother. You see I have been talking to all the teachers and we all understand your reasons for not returning. However we think that we have a way of you coming to school and being able to look after your mother. And the second is if you are going to return to Hogwarts you will be head girl"

"Well I am really sorry sir, but like I said in my letter; I don't see how I can be at Hogwarts and look after my mother. So I can't be head girl, can I?"

"If you were head girl you would have your own dorm. This then is how the plan with your mother works. If we give you a fireplace then you can floo home every evening and morning to look after your mother. I have asked teachers to be lenient with you when it comes to homework. One of the reasons is you are a smart girl and I cannot believe you will let yourself get behind and secondly you have your N.E.W.Ts this year and so you would not get much homework any way. At your age we trust you to set your own revision levels."

"What if something happens to my mother during the day sir? While I'm in lessons?"

"We can cast a spell on your mother, if she agrees of course, to let you know if something is wrong. It would let you and myself know. This would mean that if needed you could run out of lessons and go home. Do you agree?"

"I think that would be amazing sir."

"I give my permission to have this spell placed on me" Lily's mother spoke up.

Dumbledore nodded and quickly cast the spell

"There now when your mother needs help you will feel your watch go hot and a picture of your mother will appear instead of the clock face so you can see where she is."

Lily smiled Dumbledore had thought of everything.

"What will I tell my friends when they ask where I am going, sir?"

"Don't have to tell them but I think they would understand and help you if you told them the truth. I think it would work and Hogwarts would hate to lose you as a student"

Lily thought hard. She wanted to go back to school and finish learning about magic but she also wanted to look after her mother. Could she do both? She hadn't thought of that possibility before. Before it was one or the other. She looked towards her mother, and thought. If she could do both that would be amazing. She wanted to get on with work but what of her promise to her sister?

"Lily going to school wouldn't be breaking your promise" Her mum said. Lily jumped, she had not realised that her mother knew of that promise. She looked at her mother and smiled

"It looks like you're going to have to put up with me at Hogwarts sir." She spoke to both her teacher and her mother.

"Thank you Lily. That's all I ask. I'll go now. See you on the 1st September"

"Sir, if needed can I come into school late? If something happens, please sir. And what do I say to get into my new bedroom?"

"Lily of course you can come late, just owl me and let me know. And I have a special floo powder for you." As he said this Dumbledore handed Lily two small bags one had a pink powder and the other an orange one.

"The pink one is to get into Hogwarts and the orange one is to get here. You don't have to say anything just place it into the fire and to get in your bedroom I believe you can choose your password. You know were the head girls room is I suppose?"

"Yes sir."

"Good well I believe that that is all. Unless you can think of anything else?"

"No, thank you sir, for everything."

"Goodbye Lily. I'll see myself out; you look after your mother"

"Goodbye sir and thank you"

She saw that her mother looked happy about what was going to happen as well. Lily was glad if her mother had disapproved she would not have gone but after everything that happened she did not think that would be the case. Dumbledore walked back in.

"Oh and Lily"

"Yes sir."

"I believe I should warn you in advance in case you do come back late. The head boy this year is James Potter"

"Oh. Thank you for telling me sir."

"Good bye Lily."

"Good bye sir"

"James Potter" her mother said "Isn't he the one you said was an arrogant prat?" she asked.

"Yep that's the one. What's Dumbledore doing making him Head boy?"

"I have no idea Lily. But I'm rather hungry I think I shall make breakfast"

"Oh no your not I will and I will also make some food for you to have while I am out today."

"You going out?" Her mother was confused

"Yes I am. Today is the 22nd August. If I am to go to school it starts in a week and do not have any of my school stuff so I shall have to go to Diagon Ally. But don't worry Dumbledore has cast that spell now so I'll know if you are ok. But I really need to get my stuff. Are you going to be ok on your own?"

"You worry too much Lily."

"I would drop you round at Petunia's new house but she says she doesn't want to be part of the family of freaks anymore…" She stopped talking when she realised she was thinking out loud. She did not want to remind her mother about the elder sister. She silently cursed for mentioning her sister and reminded herself of just how stupid it was. Her mother didn't seem to have heard so that was ok.

"I do not worry too much." Lily teased playfully. Glad that her mother had not heard. The last time she had mentioned her sister; her mother had broken down into tears and wept until Lily had been forced to make her stop as Lily knew how much pain her mother was in every time she cried.

Linda Evans smiled. Her daughter could look after her and still be with her friends she knew how much it had been tearing her up in side to leave all her friends a year early. She was glad her daughter was going, she would have time to try and stop being so reliant on her but still have her there to help. She knew however that she was always going to need her daughter help her with the easiest tasks and that trying to live without it would be suicide.

After doing her shopping Lily walked into the Leaky Cauldron and sank into a chair. She asked Tom the barmen for some water and thought about how her last year at Hogwarts was going to work. It would be hectic but if Dumbledore thought she could do it then she would. But one thing was certain she would not ask for any help, let anyone know what was happening and she would not show any weakness. Especially in front of the person she dreaded seeing the most. James Potter. She did not know that when she thought of him she sat up higher in her chair all she knew was that when she thought about him she became determined that she would not let him help her. She would go to Hogwarts and she would let no one close enough to her to find out what was happening.

She would stay friends with her best friend, Alex, but as she no longer had to share a dorm with her she did not think it would be that hard.

With all her bags shrunk and in her pocket she apperated back to her house ready for the new school year.

James sighed as he looked at his best friend. As he had been seventeen when his parents died he was considered old enough to look after him self and to keep him company Sirius stayed living with him. His parents had died at the beginning of his sixth year at Hogwarts and he knew that he could tell his best friend anything. Mr and Mrs Potter and been as good as Sirius' parents. His real parents had disowned him three years ago and since them he had joined the Potter family.

It had been hard at first, but he had got through it with the help of his friends and with the thought of Lily Evans. He smiled, Lily. How he loved that name. He looked around the room almost everywhere there were vases full of lilies. He liked it, he needed it. He needed something to remind him of the one person who kept him going even if they didn't know it.

At 11:30 James and Sirius had decided on fish and chips for lunch. James had gone to get them and had come back to find Sirius trying to pass a pleasant conversation with Professor Dumbledore. He walked in confused to see his headmaster seemingly comfortable in his living room.

"Ah James. I've come to speak to you. I doubt there is any point in me asking Sirius to leave you would tell him everything anyway, good friend as you are."

"Er… Yes sir." James sat him self into his favourite chair and looked at Albus Dumbledore. He was not sure if he had just been paid a compliment or not.

"Well I am sure you know that this year I have had to pick a new head boy and girl. I am happy to tell you that I have picked you to be the new Hogwarts head boy."

Sirius burst into laughter.

"Professor that has to be the best prank ever. I wish I had thought of that. James head boy…" He had to stop speaking because he was laughing so much. Dumbledore had a twinkle in his eye but he spoke to Sirius

"Mr Black, do you suspect me foolish enough to prank one of the marauders?" Dumbledore asked his eyes twinkling

"Well no sir. But James as head boy?"

"I understand that it will have come as a shock but I think it will do you good. I also want to tell you the head girl is Lily Evans. I want you to help her as much as you can Mr. Potter. Don't press her about anything and when she wants to talk, let her talk but not before then. It took a great deal of persuading to get her to come at all this year and I tell you this in confidence. You are not to tell anyone not even Remus or Peter. Do you understand?"

Both boys nodded their heads

"Good, well I believe that is all. I shall see you in one weeks time. Good day to you"

"Good bye professor" Both boys replied as the headmaster walked out of their house.

"Wow, shock to the system, your head boy James" Sirius said

James didn't seem to hear him as he looked deep in thought

"What did he mean when he said I've got to help Lily, and why did he have to persuade her to come back? I mean it's our N.E.W.T year, Lily wouldn't normally want to miss that."

"Mate I have no idea but you will be sharing a tower with Lily Evans don't complain"

"Yer I suppose. But… never mind. Do you think I could get her to go out with me this year? I'm going to be spending so much time with her. Do you think I have a chance?"

"Mate no way."

In this way James and Sirius spent the rest of the holiday joking and teasing but James never forgot what Dumbledore had said and when he was alone he would think on what would possibly make Lily miss her last year at Hogwarts.

It was the 1st September and Lily was starting to think it was a bad idea going back to school, how could it work? She pondered on what she was going to try and do. When Lily went to go get her mother out of bed the smile on her mother's face made her forget her worries. Her mum thought she could do it and Lily Evans was not going to let her mother down.

"Mum I've placed anything you may need while I am at school in my old room. I've set up the bed as well so you can have an afternoon sleep though I'll probably come back here in all my spare lessons to do my homework and look after you."

"Lily just go. I'll be fine and I will do my best to make sure you spend as long as possible at that school of yours. But I admit it would be nice to see you during the day. So yes please come back in your spare lessons but only if you promise to spend time on your work as well as looking after me"

"Yes mum, well love you. And see you this evening. If you need me I'll apperate here but I can not go back to the train, so I'll take the fireplace to my new dorm and join people at Hogsmeade. I love you mum. DON'T try to hard to look after yourself. I don't want you getting hurt and are you sure that you don't want me to stay a bit longer?"

"Lilly I am quite sure thank you now hurry up or you'll miss the train. I love you too" Her mother relied with a tone in her voice which said don't argue. With one last hug Lily apperated to platform 9and 3/4. She knew she worried too much but she could not help it. She would keep her promise or die trying.

James had woken up late. It happened often enough but today he was especially annoyed about it. They were going back to Hogwarts today and he wanted to catch Lily before they had to do their Head duties.

However it was now 10:55 and still no Lily, he was getting worried but after hearing a slight 'pop' he looked up to see she had just apperated onto the station and was placing her stuff in the Heads compartment.

"Where have you been?" James asked her, annoyed that he had had to do her jobs as well.

"Get stuffed Potter. I was busy." She replied with a snarl and a look of ferocity in her eyes that he had never seen before.

He backed off remembering what Dumbledore had said

"OK I was just wondering. Can you check that everyone is ready to get on the train please?" he asked in the politest voice he could muster. She smiled that look of wildness in her eyes that had gone and if he had not seen it he would not of thought she had been angry at all.

"Of course, I'll go do it now."

Was this what Dumbledore meant, had she become a werewolf? He shook his head, no tonight was the full moon and for that reason Remus was already at school, if she was a werewolf she would be with Moony. That thought was pathetic and stupid, very much like his best friend Padfoot.

He would just do his best and let her tell him in her own time. He would not call her names, pester her to go out with him. He knew that he loved her and if she wanted him to back off and just be a friend then that would be what he would do. It might break his heart but it would make her happy and that would make his broken heart worth it. At this point in his life James Potter became an adult, he would still at younger and mess about with his friends but not so frequently. He became the man that he was always meant to be in short he became the rightful Head Boy at Hogwarts. It was for this reason Dumbledore had given him the position of Head Boy.

"Maybe, maybe Dumbledore isn't such a batty old man as I thought" James thought out loud. He jumped on to the train and sat down ready for his meeting with Lily hoping he would not anger her like he did earlier.

Lily was still not sure whether she had made the right decision but did not allow herself to think on what could have happened. She would live for her promise, which had been the centre of her life for the past seven years. Everyone was shocked at how well Lily was at magic but the truth was Lily did not allow her self to fail at anything, because that one spell could help her keep her promise. That one spell could help her protect her family. This year she was going to learn more than ever. She was going to go to Professor Dumbledore and ask if she could have extra lessons in spells and charms that would help her look after her mother at home. Yes that would be what she would do. She sat back into a more comfortable position and fell fast asleep almost instantly with nothing to do hanging over her head at that moment in time. For the first time in ages Lily had a peaceful nights sleep and dreamt about all the extra things she could learn. She could really make a difference.

"I'll protect them, I promise." She muttered this mantra even in her sleep.

James looked at her and though about what Dumbledore had said. He thought he heard Lily say something, maybe she had woken up. No she was talking in her sleep. Aww how cute. What was it she was saying?

"I'll protect them, I promise" Who is she supposed to protect, is this what Dumbledore meant? He thought as he left the new Head girl to go talk to his three best friends. He knew that with his friends he would not forget Lily but he would not have the time to think about the current mystery.


	3. Chapter 2: Back At Hogwarts

Chapter 2

When Lily woke up she saw that there was a cloak covering her. _Odd, I don't remember doing that _but still she folded it up until she saw that the cloak were not hers as they were obviously too big. Confused she looked at the label thinking that Alex had come looking for her and put her cloak over her best friend to make sure she did not get cold. However in scrawny handwriting were the words

_James H Potter._

"Potter! No way would he be nice enough to do this" She decided and turned around to make her way out of the compartment

"Nice to know what you think of me, Lily. I just came to try and wake you up because we are getting close to the station." James smirked, he was not going to let on to Lily that he had been standing there for half an hour trying to figure out what the current mystery was that surrounded her.

"But- you- never mind. Thank you Potter" Lilly stumbled over her words. As she was facing the ground she did not see the hurt in the head boy's face, when she called him by his surname. However he did not let it on when he spoke again.

"You're welcome Evans. Anyway we have ten minutes so if you get changed we can go and make sure that everyone is ready to get off the train." After saying this he walked out and went down to the end of the train.

* * *

Lily got changed and then walked down the train to join Potter on their rounds. By the time they had got to the station a thunderstorm was raging outside and the fist years were all grateful that Professor Dumbledore had decided that just this once the first years were not to cross the lake because of the weather.

Once every student were in the carriages Lily and James got into the carriage for the Head Boy and Girl and James tried to start up a conversation.

"So Evans what have you been doing this summer then?"

"Stuff" Lily replied not caring about James anymore and just hoping she could get through her last year at Hogwarts with no trouble.

"What kind of 'stuff'" James persisted trying to learn as much as possible about what could have made Lily think about not going to Hogwarts.

"Stuff, kind of stuff. And why are you giving me the third degree James Potter? Why do you care what I was doing?" Lily retorted.

"Sorry I am just trying to make conversation." James replied, that sat in stony silence for a few minutes before Lily suddenly gasped.

"Potter-"

"What?" James was annoyed with Lily and let it show in the way he spoke back to her.

"When is the next full moon?" she said conversationally.

James gagged he had not been expecting this, "Um tonight I think." He knew it was tonight but he did not want her to ask why he knew. "Why do you want to know?" he was suddenly suspicious.

"I wanted to check that there was nothing wrong with Remus. That's all"

"What has Remus got to do with the full moon?" He spoke tentatively not wanting to give away that he knew exactly what she was on about

"For Christ sake James. I know about Remus, I worked it out in our second year. I didn't see him earlier when I went to give you your cloak back. I thought it was probably because of his _'furry little problem' _but I did not have time this summer to mark the dates on my calendar. And don't you even dare ask me not to tell. I've not told anyone yet have I and Remus is a friend I wouldn't do it to him even if I only just found out."

James stared at Lily Evans and felt his anger rise as he thought about all the pain his friend went through every month. Although he was trying to stay calm he felt himself explode,

"You knew, you knew and you didn't bother telling us. LILY EVANS WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IF YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER CHECKING THE DATES? YOU ARE ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS YET YOU DIDN'T CHECK THE DATES. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR THAT ELSE I AM GOING TO HEX YOU INTO OBLIVION." James would of continued shouting but he saw Lily's eyes turn as hard as steel again. He also knew that later he would regret that outburst.

James turned away from Lily and when he looked back towards her he saw that yet again her eyes had a faint orange glint to them. And James was petrified.

"James Potter." You whispered in a voice that if people couldn't see her eyes would have thought kind. But the steel in her eyes made the words she was speaking terrifying, "You are going to stay out of my life"

James found his voice "I'm…"

"I am going to walk from here and when I get back you will remember that as well as me knowing about Remus, I also know about you _Prongs_."

With that Lily stepped out into the rain and quickly began to fall behind as the carriage moved on.

"Lily, come on don't be stupid. You catch flu walking in that. The firstees aren't even going by boat this year because of the weather." However by the time James finished this Lily was already so far behind him he could only guess where she was. He whispered more to himself "I sorry Lily. I really am."

As he thought about what he was going to do he felt silent tears run down his cheek at the thought of him already upsetting the one person, alive, that he loved with all his heart.

_I'll have to send a __letter to Professor Dumbledore. _With that James set about freeing a piece of spare parchment and a quill from his small rucksack, which was full of jokes. When he found one he wrote on it in his spirally handwriting

_Dear Professor Dumbledore_

_I regret to inform that I have already made a mess of Head Boy and I urge you to reconsider and to have Remus as Head Boy instead of me as I feel he would do a better job that me. However this is not the case at hand and I will argue about this with you later. _

_I am writing to tell you that Lily and I have had and argument and it has resulted in her deciding to walk to Hogwarts. I tried to tell her it was foolish but she refused to listen to me. _

_I wanted to ask you if there is anyway you can get to her quickly as I am sure she will catch a serious illness if she stay out there much longer._

_Yours Sincerely _

_James Potter_

James got his owl out of her cage performed a quick spell on her so that she would not be affected to badly by the weather and thus could deliver his letter.

* * *

Dumbledore looked up as he saw an unfamiliar owl continually knocking in an urgent matter against the window. It must have had a charm placed on it Dumbledore decided as it did not seem to be affected by the weather. As he opened the window he was once again glad of his decision that the first years would not be travelling to the school by boat as they would likely or not drown.

As he opened the letter his face grew more and more sincere when he realised who the letter was from and why the owl seemed so urgent. He had known that having Lily Evans as head girl and James Potter as head boy would make this year difficult but he felt that it would be good for them both and that many would see it as a foolish mistake. He had known that there was going to be many agreement this years between the two head students however he did not think the James would be able to push Lily over the edge on the journey to Hogwarts he had calculated it being on the second day back when they actually had things to do.

Dumbledore reread the letter and then quickly wrote a reply letter.

_Dear Mr. Potter_

_I thank you for letting me know about the situation concerning Miss. Evans and I also understand, which you do not, why she has done this. _

_I look forward to our argument about whether you should stay head boy but I assure you this is the one argument you will lose._

_Thanks you again_

_Professor Dumbledore_

He then looked up to where his phoenix Fawkes was sitting on his perch.

"I am going to have to ask you to pick up our head girl as I cannot allow her to walk to Hogwarts in this weather. I am also going to ask you to give her this letter from me to let her know why you are there and if you could bring her back to the hospital wing, I have a feeling she is going to need our healer. Can you do that for me please?"

Fawkes gave a brief nod and after being given the letter flashed to Lily.

* * *

Lily was cold and shivering but was not regretting her decision to walk from where she had left Potter. Anger and annoyance filled her and for minutes she knew nothing else. Eventually she calmed down and started the long walk along to road she had often taken on Hogsmeade visits. But in this rain she had to strain her eyes to see. Suddenly there was a flash of bright light and Fawkes the headmaster phoenix was in front of her carrying a letter in his beak. She looked up and took the letter from him noting that it did not seem possible for the ink to run. As she read she smiled with relief she had not been looking forward to walking in this weather but, pride refused to see that sitting in a carriage with James Potter would have been better.

"Thank you Fawkes." She whispered as she grabbed hold of him and he flashed back to the castle and into the warm.

She arrived in the hospital wing Madame Pomfrey with her seven year old daughter, Poppy, following her around everywhere.

"What where you thinking of? I can give you a pepper-up potion but you look as though you have been sitting in the bottom of the lake for half an hour so I doubt that will work you are going to have to come to me every meal time so I can do check ups and make sure you are ok."

As she was saying this Poppy was showing Fawkes her new dance and Lily was watching as well.

Poppy stopped when she looked over at Lily

"Mum?"

"What is it Poppy?"

"Why don't you just get the house elves to put pepper up potion in all the food. Everyone is going to be cold and then it would be OK because Lily eats loads any way."

"Poppy that is a brilliant idea" Said the healer at the same time Lily said

"Are you saying I eat like a pig, Poppy?"

Poppy laughed, she liked Lily as Lily had often looked after Poppy when her mother was needed and Poppy had to go somewhere else. It was a common sight to see the young girl in the Gryffindawr **(A/N: Sorry. I don't have a copy of the books near me and I can't spell to save my life.) **commen room with Lily, Alex and Alice.

"Yes I am and you can't say it's a lie because you know it is not." Poppy retorted

"Brilliant then" said professor Dumbledore who no one had seen appear.

"We will put pepper up potion in the food but I still think Lily should have an extra strong one here before she goes down to the feast. I also think that Lily should get changed and stay in the hospital wing this evening and not be allowed to leave."

He spoke with a very pointed look at Lily knowing that she was likey to stay at home and not come back if she went home to look after her mother that night.

"But sir. I've got to be let out of here tonight, I've got to."

"No Lily"

"Please sir. I can't stay here I can't"

"I don't know why you are arguing Miss Evans but you did not think that you would be allowed to leave after being out in this weather for ten minutes." Madame Pomfrey said trying to get Lily to be quiet.

Professor Dumbledore spoke quietly into Lily's ear

"She'll be OK it is only one night and i don't think she would be expecting you tonight anyway. But you need to stay here, you could get seriously ill."

"I have to go please... please... I can't stay here. What if... what if she tries to get up the stairs... what if she thinks I've left her" Lily's words broke down into sobs and from sobs became tears flowing quick and freely.

"Now then Miss Evans. You have to stay it is for your own good." Madame Pomfrey was worried, Lily was a sensible girl. She did not know why she had decided to walk to school but she knew that something was wrong. Lily never complained against any order she was given if she didn't agree with it she would just get one with what she was told to do with an annoyed look on her face. But, never, never argue against a straight order. She put he hand on Lily's back to try to comfort the girl but Lily pushed it off and curled into a ball.

She seemed to calm down a bit and as soon as she could make sentences through the tears she said.

"I have to be out of here tonight. I can't stay here."

"Lily Evans you will do as you are told."

Lily seemed to stop breathing as a thought came to her.

What if anything happened, would she be allowed to look after her mother, if her mother needed her would she be allowed to go? She didn't think Madame Pomfrey knew about her mother and Lily was not going to tell anyone who did not already know. With the thought that she could not look after her mother she started having a panic attack.

* * *

After calming Lily down Madame Pomfrey said that Lily would have to stay in the hospital wing but she could leave to go to the feast, thinking that the reason Lily wanted to leave the hospital wing was so she could talk to her friends. Lily was still annoyed with the healer _but if I leave early I could really quickly go home and make sure Mum is OK before anyone notices me. _With that thought she calmly took the medicine needed and left to find friends as the carriages had just arrived. She had changed into her spare robes and looked happy enough. However she was annoyed with Professor Dumbledore. He knew why she wanted to go home and she was sure her mother would expect her tonight, she was going to go anyway but she had hoped to be able to stay for at least an hour. Tonight she would be lucky to get fifteen minutes.

James looked around Dumbledore was about to make his speech but he still had not seen Lily. He hoped that Dumbledore had found a way to get Lily to Hogwarts. As he looked up and down the table he finally saw her, she was talking to her best friends and acting as though nothing was wrong however he could tell that she did not seem that happy.

Dumbledore stood up and the hall became silent. Everyone was looking at the headmaster expecting the odd speech he normally made before the sorting.

* * *

"Hello students of Hogwarts. I am glad to see you here, before the sorting starts i just want to remind a few select students that the forbidden forest is forbidden as I don't think they will listen to me later their minds full of the food the would have just eaten. I also want to announce..."

He didn't get much further as there was a sudden clatter of plates as Lily Evans got up from her seat and ran towards to door. Everyone was shocked as she shouted as spell at the door so she would not have to waste time trying to open it and she disappeared from sight running up the stairs.

Looking up at the teachers table James saw that most the teachers seemed to know why Lily ran out. Actually looking again it was only the teachers of the subjects Lily took that seemed to understand what was happening. Madame Pomfrey looked very angry and James realised that Lily was only just allowed to come to the feast at all. All the other teachers and students looked shocked that someone would dare run out during Dumbledore's speech and that it would be the Head Girl of all people. Dumbledore gave a polite cough and the focus turned back onto him

"I would like to announce the sorting hat. He wanted a grand entrance this years as he was getting bored with being brought in on a stall."

Everyone seemed to know that this was not what Dumbledore was going to say as at that time he normally said who the Head Boy and Girl are. At this time though conceded James maybe that wasn't a good idea as the head girl had just left the main hall. James saw that Dumbledore had caught his eye and a small note appeared on his plate

_Go and look for her. Under your cloak, do not worry if you can't find her in the castle. I think i know where she is_

Surprised James showed the note to his best friend Sirius Black and they both slipped under James' invisibility cloak in search of Lily Evans.

A/N: I know it is not my best. But I like it. I have not had it checked by my 'beta-readers' e.g. my I.T buddies so I apologise for any mistakes. Please review.

I also want to know if you think I should have Molly and Arthur Wesley as main(ish) characters as I am going to have Frank and Alice Longbottom

Review pwease puppy dog eyes that you fall for every time


	4. Happy Birthday : Where is Lily?

A/N: I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I have not updated for ages but in my defence I have had loads of homework rec

A/N: I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I have not updated for ages but in my defence I have had loads of homework recently and then it was my birthday. Yey! I planned to put this up on my birthday but after rereading it I decided it wasn't good enough so I have re done it. Sorry and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

A HUGE thank you to everyone who has reviewed they have all really helped.

This Chapter is Dedicated to one of my IT buddies as it is her birthday today (23.05) and she is mentioned by name in this chapter as well. So keep an eye out for her.

Chapter 3

Lily ran, she was really scared, she didn't care that everyone was staring at her she just wanted to make sure her mum was OK. She had known that she would have had to leave a few lessons and come up with plenty of excuses to tell her friends but as she sprinted out from her seat and down the Great Hall she could not think about any excuse to get her out of this. All she was thinking about was her mum and how stupid it is that the Gryffindawr table was the furthest from the doors so she had further to run. **(AN: I have spoken with my IT buddies and we reckon my spelling of Gryffindawr is so good it will be like that for all my stories and it is now my signature thing. + I'm not sure if it is the furthest table but now it is. Anyway…) **

She had been talking to her friends and after she had been asked by Alex how her holidays were and what she did; she sighed and decided to spend the rest of the evening as a normal teenager. Well as normal as anyone can be at Hogwarts. When her wrist suddenly felt like it was on fire. She knew that her mum would need her. She had jumped with pain and her cutlery went flying across the hall only to land by the professors table.

The professors, who taught her, all seemed to know what was going on others looked as though they all had an idea about what was happening but they weren't quite sure how serious the current problem was. Madame Promfrey looked ready to kill. She had not been told about Lily's home life as it was not considered necessary for her to know. Dumbledore had known that Lily wanted as little amount of people to know and that as Lily _never_ went to the Infirmary she just sorted herself out.

Lily didn't care that everyone apart from Professor Dumbledore, who acted as though nothing was wrong after a flash of pain had appeared on his face was looking at her. People who hadn't known before had seen the head girl badge on her cloak, so everyone knew that the head girl had run out of the Welcome Feast and no teachers seemed to be trying to stop her.

She had noticed a few arms trying to grab her but she just leaped over them and kept going at a break neck speed. She had pulled out her wand and was planning on shattering the doors so that there was nothing left of them but in the end just decided on a simple spell to open the door.

Once she left the hall she wasn't sure where she had gone. She decided she must have gone to her new dorm. The picture that was hiding the doorway must also have known about her mother because she didn't even bother asking Lily for a password as she just opened. Lily of course hadn't noticed this and if the picture, which was Helga Hufflepuff's Daughter; Rowena, had not opened it would probably have been smashed to smithereens.

Later Lily decided that she must have used the powder that Dumbledore had given her but she could not remember. She wasn't even sure how she had known where her new dorm was. All she knew was that she had to get to her mum and she knew that from where she was that would be the quickest way.

However if she had known more about the secret passage ways in the school she would have known that there was one just outside the Great Hall that lead to just beyond the anti-apparition field. But she did not so going to her dorm, for her, was the quickest route.

James and Sirius were still in shock over what happened they were not sure how they could get out of the Great Hall to look for Lily. Dumbledore's note made it sound as though he knew exactly where Lily had gone but just wanted to check. Maybe he wanted to catch her before she left the grounds at the speed she was going at however it looked as though even if they started running after her as soon as she got up they would not have been able to catch her. The had realised that there was no was they could leave without being noticed even if they were under James' clock so reluctantly they took it off and came back into the visible spectrum.

"What shall we do? I know he wants us to look for her but if she was going to leave school grounds she would have done it already and then we would have no chance to catch her." James whispered.

"We'll have no chance anyway. Did you see how fast she was going? No one could catch her they would need one of those muggle racing thingies." Sirius whispered back.

"A car" James said "And anyway we could use this. I've updated it." He said this while showing Sirius the Maraurder's Map.

"Wow, damn I can't believe I didn't think of that," Sirius muttered under his breath angry with him self for forgetting their finest creation. "What did you do to it?" he asked as he took the map from James' hand. Looking over it for a change and finding none. James spoke after taking back the plan sheet of parchment

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." This was the password that opened the map he then tapped it again "Lily Evans."

A rapidly moving dot appeared on the map but suddenly disappeared.

"She was in her new dorm. Why would she leave for that?" Sirius asked James

"In case you haven't noticed mate I don't know either. She walked out on me, remember?" James replied in a scathing tone of voice that covered the fact that he was as confused as Sirius.

While the two boys were looking at the map, Lily jumped into the fire and landed in her living room and sprinted out of the house down to where she knew her mother would be. It would have been easier for her to just apperate but she had only just passed her test and had been brought up as a muggle, so when her mind went into panic mode she reverted back to her old muggle ways of sprinting as quickly as she could.

James looked at Sirius confusion etched on his and Sirius' face mirrored his own.

"She disappeared off the map"

"Well done genius I hadn't noticed that." Sirius replied scathingly.

"But… but how? How did she just disappear off the map. She can't have apperated and I know the dorm isn't linked to the floo network… so how did she do it?"

"Maybe there is a secret passage way out of the heads common room. I mean we've not had time to check in there yet. So there could be." As Sirius came to this conclusion James had been thinking and had come to the same place as Sirius however he thought of more.

"Wait, if that's the case then there are loads of places we should check. We have to find a way into the teachers offices so we can check them." James' mind was running "And Remus can give the hospital wing a once over" here he paused "again. And then maybe…" He trailed off remembering why he had thought of that in the first place.

"But Sirius"

"Yes mon pally…"

"How would she have found it? I've not even been in their yet and she seems to have known exactly where she was going"

"I have no idea James. That is for you to work out."

While they had been conversing in hushed tones the Sorting had begun. As Davis, Hannah joined the Gryffindarws and had sat her self nest to the Marauders, where all the empty seats where. Hannah looked petrified and as he was Head Boy James took pity on her and changed the conversation so that she could join in.

"Welcome to Gryfinndawr Hannah, I am James the Head Boy" at this Sirius couldn't stop himself laughing but James continued pretending he hadn't noticed "and this prat here is Sirius. The reason he is a laughing prat is because I am the leader of the Marauders and…"

"You are not the leader" Sirius protested

"I am. Aren't I Peter?" Peter shuffled in his seat looking decidedly uneasy

"Um… well… yes… I suppose. But isn't Sirius…" Here James cut him off and turned back to Hannah who was trying not to laugh at the antics of the three boys.

"Anyway… he was laughing because as the HEAD Marauder I play the most pranks on people and yet I am still the head boy. Must be my charm. What do you think?" He posed at this Hannah burst into laughter and James smiled knowing that he had done the right thing. He was also glad because Hannah had a cheeky glint in her eye but was still sweet. He had found himself his apprentice. (Cheer) He tried to continue knowing that Lily would have done the same thing and decided that tonight he would weight in Lily's room to see when and more importantly _how_ she had got out.

**AN****: **Sorry I know it's not that good. But you'll have to put up with it. I also apologise because it is so short. Yey.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH


	5. Another Birthday: Lily and James

Lily had been running for a full five minutes before she remembered she could Apparate to her mother. As she ran, she went through the risks of Apparating in her mind.

'_The problem with Apparating is I'm in such a rush… I need to calm down or I could splinch myself. I really don't have that time. What should I do?'_

Lily decided to Apparate; slowing down, she began to notice where she was and to listen to her surroundings.

'_I'm not that far from mother… she's petrified, but until I get to her I can't do anything about that. And I can't feel other people around here apart from the people in these houses down here. It's deserted.' _

Lily decided against Apparating as she was so close, but before she continued to run, a noise caught her attention. She stopped and waited, trying to focus on the sound. Concentrating was more difficult than it normally would have been; her watch was now constantly pulsing with heat that, she felt sure, would burn her arm and leave a mark for a _very _long time.

Following the sound, she realised with a jolt that it was her mother pleading. As she sped up, Lily could feel the waves of helplessness running off her mother – and then the pleading was joined by three mocking voices. She turned a corner and saw three boys standing around her mother, who was lying helpless on the ground.

"Ha. Look at her face, Rob," laughed one boy, and when he stopped he turned to look at Lily's mother. "Can you get up?" he asked mockingly, as though he was concerned with her wellbeing. The boy called Rob grinned at the joke.

"How pitiful," said a third boy. "Can't do anything by herself. And now we've broken her chair. She'll never move from this point. Aww, what a pity. Hey, Sam and Rob. Look at it this way." The two other boys looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "At least we'll know where to come if we're ever bored."

At this the three boys laughed again and Rob said;

"She's moaning something. I wonder what she thinks will get us to help her."

He was correct; Linda Evans was moaning something. They stopped laughing and looked at her with mild interest.

Linda urgently wanted to tell them to leave before Lily arrived; because there was no doubt in her mind that Lily was coming. For one thing there was the spell, and there was also something else she could never quite place her finger on; some intuition that told Lily whenever she was in pain.

"Please, please. Just go – my daughter's coming and you will not win in a fight with her. Please just go. I do not want to see you hurt. Please. She's coming… just run. She loves me too much. Run."

The teenagers began to laugh.

"'_She'_?"

"_We_ won't come out with the upper hand?"

"We _always_ come out with the upper hand."

"Sorry. '_She'?_ A mere girl? HA."

"No one knows you're here, cripple, and besides – what could your _daughter _do to us?"

Lily had arrived in time to hear her mother's warning to the three boys. She wasn't going to join in unless they continued. But hearing that last point she knew that the would not stop, she had doubted the fact that they would do but she had to give them the chance and they didn't take it. Lily's steely tones joined the conversation.

"Quite a lot. You'd be surprised. I can find out your darkest secrets and use them against you. I can force you to my will. I can have you cry out in never-ending pain. I could kill you… with two words. That's it, just two words and you'd be dead. Those are just a few of the things I can do.

I can set you on fire. I can drown you. I can force you to live in perpetual fear; I can make you feel every bit of my mother's pain; I can make you feel only a depression that runs so deep you'd beg for the mercy of death. I can cause you to feel so many things… and I would be the only person able to change them.

So yes. '_She' _could do quite a lot. Do you want me to continue or should I show you?"

Lily's eyes narrowed into slits.

"We're not scared," drawled Rob, trying to looking bored. It was not working.

Lily gave an icy, humourless laugh. "I can feel your terror. So tell me; why I should spare you? Why should I let you worms," this word she spat in disgust, "go? You who threw rocks at my mother-" she gestured at the rocks and bits of glass on the floor "-why should I even think about forgiving you? Give me one good reason."

She stared at the three boys, daring them to reply. The teenagers made no sound, but they replied in their on special way: By cracking their knuckles, daring her to fight them.

Needless to say, Lily accepted. She pulled out her wand and launched herself at the three shocked teenagers. They had not been expecting her to accept their dare. No one they had dared yet had accepted – and she was only a girl! But they changed their minds about her being _only _a girl when she started punching them, moving so quickly they couldn't hit a punch on her.

They were all unfortunate enough to have a 'Crabbe-and-Goyle' type build. That is to say in simple terms (very simple terms): Big, ugly and thick. Maybe if they were fighting against a Muggle woman, or even another girl in Lily's dorm, they might have stood a chance. But Lily wasn't going to let them get away easily. These boys would wish they were wizards so they could go to St. Mungo's by the end of the night.

Lily laughed when they tried to hit her and nimbly dodged all of their, rather pathetic, blows. And then she jumped back into the brawl, ready to attack again…

-

The Welcome Feast had ended and James, Sirius, Peter and Hannah were on their way back to the Gryfinndawr common room. Although James now had his own tower, he wanted to make sure that all the firstees (there were ten, including Hannah) got settled in. He also wanted to speak to Peter and Sirius and he had decided to do that in his old dorm. James spoke to all the first years and let them know where their dorm was. He told Hannah he'd speak to her tomorrow about something very important but he had to mention it to his friends first to see what they thought about it and then sent her up to her room

He climbed the stairs with Sirius and Peter, when they had got near the dormitory whose door bore the legend '_7__th__-Year Marauders: Beware'_ (they got along well with the house elves), Sirius suddenly broke the comfortable silence that had been established. Peter had been thinking about his friends, Sirius had been plotting for that evening and James had been thinking about Lily and what Dumbledore had said, but each was now jerked out of his personal reverie by the fact that Sirius stopped mid-step.

"Mate, why the hell did you suddenly stop moving on the stairs?" James asked. "I know you're probably thinking about me but I want to get past, so…" James gestured to the dorm, but Sirius didn't seem to see. At least, he didn't move.

"Peter." James turned to face his other friend with an evil grin. "How loud a crash do you reckon this fat mutt would make if we pushed really hard?"

This made Sirius move, grumbling:

"I was just thinking…"

"Ah. You see that's the problem. Try to avoid it like I do – or at least wait 'til Mooney's with us. He does it often so he'll know what to do if something goes wrong."

"_Very_ funny, James."

"I know I'm funny, but I'm glad that you agree with me. You may continue," said James, his face blank.

"Good. But honestly, James – I know you forget things easily but I don't think you've forgotten you're Head Boy. So why the hell are you coming to the dorm with us when you have your own tower?"

"'Cause I wanted to talk to you two in private. _That's_ why, Paddy."

"Oh. Okay then."

They had got to the dorm by now, and each boy sat on his own bed, apart from James who sat on Remus'.

"Go on then, James. Fire away." Peter spoke since James hadn't said anything; he was just staring into space, ignoring everything –

BOOM!

– except for that. Sirius had set off two fireworks, which fizzled in the air for a moment as the boys watched them in silence.

"… What?" James spoke first.

"Two things." Sirius said. "One: I just wanted to set off the fireworks, and two: You wanted to tell us something. Oh, and a third thing – you, James Potter, are a hypocrite. You were thinking when you just said to me that you don't do it, so…" At this he stuck his tongue out. James just laughed.

"Right. By the way Paddy normal 17 year old boys don't stick their tongues out-"

"I'm not normal." Sirius retorted

"Ok I'll agree to that. Anyway what did you guys think of Hannah? Because I don't know about you, but I thought she looked a bit like we did when we first came to Hogwarts, even though she's female–"

"Wow, I hadn't noticed that – had you Wormy? Prongs here _is _very smart, isn't he?" joked Sirius.

"Shut up, you prat." James whacked Sirius on the head and continued to speak as though he had not been interrupted. "Well, as we're leaving this year, I think we need a new marauder; there are no other pranksters in this school apart from us. The school would be doomed! They'd all work hard and care about school! We can_not_ let that happen. So I was thinking we should pass on our legacy to Hannah – make her a Marauder. What do you think?"

"James, I think it rocks. But as our oh-so-magnificent Head Boy, shouldn't you be setting a _good_ example to the kids?"

"Define… _good_."

"Oh, okay, yeah. We'll have to check with Mooney this evening though. Peter?"

"Um yes, but…well…what if you get into trouble…?"

"Peter?"

"Yes, Sirius"

"Can you shut up? You're giving me a headache." At this, Peter stopped talking

"God, can you both shut the hell up"

Sirius gave James an odd look opened his mouth to say one thing decided better and closed his mouth. Peter sat up as though he had thought of something important

"James, are we going to meet you in the Shrieking Shack or what?"

"Peter. Wow a good idea. Well done i think that might be twice today I can't remember" Sirius joked

James fidgeted nervously, stole a quick glance at the door and tried to work out how quickly he could run out of Gryfindawr tower. He worked out his chance of not being caught as reasonable and started talking again.

"Well… you see, that kinda brings me on to my next point."

"Which is…? Enlighten us, Prongs."

"I'mnotgoingwithyoutonight. I'mgoingtostayandwaitforLilytogetbackfromwhereversheis. Sorry."

"Prongsie, I only caught the 'sorry'. SLOW DOWN."

"Tough." James took a deep breath. "I'm not going to come with you tonight. I'm going to stay in the tower and try to talk to Lily if – when – she gets back…"

Sirius looked like he was going to say something, but James stopped him and continued.

"Did you see her face, Padfoot? Did you look at her face the spilt second before she got up and ran out?" Sirius shook his head. "Well I did – and all I saw was fear. She ran out 'cause she was petrified about something happening, and she _had _to go to wherever that was. I'm never going to forget that look, mate – never. I love her so much and I can't bear the pain she is going through. I've… I've got to…"

At this James wiped away the silent tears that had been falling down his cheeks as he thought of the pain the woman he had fallen in love with must be going through for her face to hold that much fear and determination. "I've got to do something, Padfoot. I have to be there even if she pushes me away. "

James stopped crying and looked towards his friends. He decided that it was best to leave while they were silent.

So he did. James Potter ran from the dormitory and to his new tower and crouched in the doorway to Lily's room, knowing that she would probably hate him for it. But he didn't care; he just needed to know she was safe.

x.O.x

Sirius looked at Peter.

"Merlin, he has it bad. I always tease him about it, but… Well, I think he really does love her. My little Prongs is all grown up." He wiped an imaginary tear from the corner of one eye.

Peter, searching for the best way to shut him up, threw a pillow at him. Sirius deftly caught it and threw it back, hitting Peter full in the face and pushing him off the bed.

OK, so that was THE best way to end the chapter. It kind of made up for all the previous angst. You are awesome, you know that?

Some brief notes:

James' angst seems to come from nowhere. One moment he's being cocky and making bad jokes, and the next he's sobbing and expressing the innermost depths of his sorrow; it'd probably be best to have him acting moody for a little while prior to his epiphany so that it doesn't just spring out of midair.

You had the Marauders' interactions totally down pat, and it was awesomely funny.

Lily's speech chilled me; you really got her anger down through the short sentences and the way her words were carefully weighed up for 'maximum impact', as it were. HOWEVER – she stands and watches her mother being bullied for a good minute before launching in. Why? It seems a little staged.

LOL U R FUNI OMG GR8 STORI PLZ CONTINUE!!11seventy-two.

… I think that about sums it up. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter! XX Sarah


	6. Chapter 5: Lily's Talent

Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**A/N : Sorry for the long wait. Narya is direct link from Lord of the Rings. Which I do not own and you all welcome to laugh at the name of my healing book!! My friend is helping me type this up. That is why the writing style changes and why I am showing an unhealthy knowledge of the Lord of the Rings. In short, my friend is a nerd.**

The three boys, of course, didn't stand a chance fighting a witch let alone a witch who was fighting in anger. Lily didn't care at that moment in time, what happened to the teenagers but she knew that later she would regret it if she killed them. She yelled "Narya" and they were surrounded in a ring of fire. Her eyes reflected the flames making her look like one of the manic witches of old.

One look in her eyes and if you could look into the eyes of a Basilisk, and survive, you would point out that out that in that point in time they would look like that! They showed no mercy, were orange from the flame and had the hardness of steel.

The boys screamed in terror but refused to back down and still tried to attack Lily. However she was too quick for them and the attacks missed making them fall onto the ground at her mercy. After kicking and punching them till she knew they would burse Lily calmly left them and rushed through the fire, which parted to let her through, to her mother.

The steely look in her eyes changed to guilt for Lily truly believed that what had happened to her mother was all due to the fact she had left for Hogwarts and left her mother alone. Lily conjured a new wheelchair, because the other one was broken beyond repair, she raised her mother into the air and lovingly sat her into the chair and then Disapparated, with her mother, heading home.

But when she got there she was starting to regret her decision to leave the boys alive. Her mother was covered in bruises and had glass in her left arm. Her legs were black and blue, her right leg was stuck out at jaunty angle and her clothes were torn. Just sitting in her chair was causing her great pain. At that point Lily decided she would start taking lesson from a healer ASAP. She would have gone to Madame Pomfrey but Poppy could tell people that Lily was taking extra lessons. People would start to become suspicious and people may guess her secret. One thing was for certain NO ONE was going to find out she would do this by her self. That was her promise.

"I will keep you safe mum. I promise"

"I know" Her mum croaked

"I'll be back in ten minutes. Do you think you'll be ok?" After her mum nodded Lily Apparated to Diagon Alley, ran into Flourish and Blotts and got the spell book she looking for 'Healing for Dummies'

James was sitting in Lily's room waiting. It had been three hours and she still had not returned. He knew that Dumbledore had an idea where Lily had gone but three hours, _and _she could Apparate! Lily could literally be anywhere in the world. He lent against her bed and sat still looking into the empty owl cage. Lily could be anywhere in the world yet despite her not wanting to come to Hogwarts this year and her running out of the great hall he knew she was going to return and that only one thing could keep her away. Her Promise. The promise that was the key to this whole thing. If he could work out that out and where Lily was and probably where she would keep disappearing to would all become horribly clear. He knew it would be something horrible because only horrible things would make Lily contemplate not coming to Hogwarts. So what was this promise?

Dumbledore was sitting in his office talking to Fawkes. He knew what had happened to make Lily run out during the welcome feast. The precise details were not apparent but it was clear that Lily was needed elsewhere. He had been expecting James Potter to come into his office demanding answers. But only Madame Pomfrey appeared asking if he knew where her patient had disappeared to. He had informed her that he knew why she went. No, he didn't know where she was now. And he would have to ask Lily for permission to explain why she had disappeared but, he doubted she would allow him to, leaving a very annoyed healer to walk out of his office.

After deciding he had been waiting to long he left and made his way to the heads' tower. Although he did not know where Lily was now he saw sure that she would return home and the quickest way for him to get there was to use the flames. He had charmed the floo powder so it only worked in Lily's room. This meant that if anyone wanted to use the powder they would have to have Lily's permission and he knew that she would rarely give it.

James had fallen asleep, he had been trying hard to stay awake but it was three o'clock and Lily had still not come. Even while he was asleep he had dreamt about her even though it had started off had started off as a lovely dream but it rapidly turned into a nightmare

DREAM

_He was kissing Lily in a broom __cupboard. He looked up and spoke._

"_Lily I am so glad I saw you coming out of the fire. Since then I have made everything you do my business to know. I am sorry I lied to you. Dumbledore never told me anything"_

_Lily who had been leaning against him feeling safe in his arms suddenly pulled back and slapped him_

"_You invaded my privacy and spied on me. How dare you" She slapped him again _

_Lily then turned into his mum crying for all she was worth_

"_You've ruined my one chance to have grand children. You've ruined it I'm so disappointed in you James." She couldn't continue because she was crying too much "Don't be a stupid boy"_

"_You invaded my privacy"_

_James wasn't sure what was sure what was worse. Lily shouting and slapping him, she shouted at him most days and every day part of his heart broke, or his dead mother crying because she was so disappointed. _

END DREAM

He woke up shivering from fear; he had heard something; in the roaring of the fire there was a lime green flash. He hadn't seen who was using the floo network. _'Wait a bit you can't use floo powder in Hogwarts. Not in the students' rooms anyway'_ He knew that you could use the floo in the teachers' rooms _'I've tried it, we got into a staff' room and tried to floo to a rock concert and we could.'_ He contemplated this for some time _'and the flash was lime green not the usual bright green. So was that floo powder. What the hell is going on?'_

Lily had been working on her mum for three hours because before she started healing any wounds on her mum she gave herself the injuries because she knew someone who had tried to heal a friend of hers and had removed all the bones. If she could make sure her mum was ok then causing her self pain was of no consequence. _'I doubt Madame Pomfrey would agree but I don't care. If I can get away with it I'm not going back to see her if I can help it'_ this was the reason it had taken so long. After she had just healed her broken leg she heard a scream from her mum. She ran into the lounge to see Dumbledore step out of the fire. Before she spoke to Dumbledore she calmed her mother down, healed her broken leg, and then turned around to face her headmaster.

"Professor, what are _you_ doing her?" She spoke in an accusing voice.

"I came to help you Lily, not to hinder you. I know that you have not been taught healing magic so I thought you might like help."

At this point Mrs Evans joined in the conversation

"Well then she must be a natural, she hasn't got anything got anything wrong so far. I feel a lot better." Dumbledore looked at her and tried to imagine her looking worse. It was very difficult. He then finished healing her and politely asked Lily if he could talk with her in the kitchen.

"Is this the first time you have performed these spells on your mother?"

"Yes sir." Lily said defiantly.

"Well done. I will speak to Madame Pomfrey for you to have lessons if you are indeed a natural healer. But I will have to give you a once over to check if you have dilapidated your magic"

Dumbledore got his wand out and did a quick healers check on Lily that would tell him what he wanted. After he finished he spoke to her very seriously

"I asked you a question. I did not ask you to lie to me. I will ask you again. Was that the first time you performed those spells?"

Lily hung her head.

"No sir." She whispered.

"Then when did you use then before. I said I know you have not learnt them at Hogwarts"

"On my self sir"

"But you had no injuries when you left Hogwarts. Did you get hurt when you went to your mother?" Dumbledore sounded concerned

"No sir. I gave my self the same injuries five or six times before I healed my mother. I had to make sure I could perform the spells correctly. I could not allow myself to hurt her more than necessary."

"Thank you for telling me the truth Lily" He ran his wand over Lily. And although she had not felt bad she immediately felt better. "I have healed those injuries you did not heal correctly"

"Thank you sir." She looked up at him instead of the floor for the first time during this conversation and saw no anger or annoyance in his eyes

"However I want you to promise me you will not do it again. No matter how much pain you want to save her from"

"I can't do that sir." Lily looked right into his eyes so he knew she was telling the truth.

"And why ever not" Dumbledore asked questioningly his voice sounded calm but there was a slight threatening glare behind his half moon spectacles

"I can't do that. Because if it helps my mother then I would do anything except killing someone else. If killing myself was beneficial to my family then I would do. You must have heard my mother mention a promise and I'll tell you know Professor that another promise would be second to my first and original promise. The promise I am talking about has ruled my life since my father died, just before I joined Hogwarts. So, Professor, I will promise not to so it again. But do not be surprised if I break that promise to keep another." Lily's voice had been strong and without fault until she got to the point where she mentioned her father. When she said this the tears in her eyes, from anger towards the teenagers, towards Dumbledore for getting in her way, and guilt and pining for her father all fell down her face but she kept going.

"I'll hopefully see you tomorrow. Sir, because my mother is already worrying herself quite badly because we have been talking for so long and she thinks you are going to take me away and place somewhere else."

Dumbledore was curious.

"Lily how do you know what your mother is thinking? The spell I performed would only tell you if she is in pain. And how do you know what is the reason for this feeling?"

"Simple I know why because I know her. I've always known. I can feel her fear radiating off her. When I was younger I could only understand my families' feeling and one other person I never knew. Since I have going to Hogwarts and training my magic. I have been able to understand the feelings of everyone around me as well as anyone I hold close to my heart. Intentionally or not. For example I can tell you that my sister is currently having an argument with a shop assistant, she is annoyed and angry."

"This is interesting. I want to test to see if this works through occlumency shields. I am now thinking of an object and I want you to tell me if you know what feeling I associate with it."

Lily concentrated for a few seconds and then she laughed.

"Professor you are thinking about socks. You are always annoyed when you think of socks because you never get any and you find them most useful. I'll make sure to get you some a Christmas this year sir. Don't worry"

"I am very impressed Lily. I do worry…"

Lily shuddered and ran from the room into the lounge just before her mother started hyperventilating due a panic attack.

Once Lily's mum had calmed down, she fell asleep and Lily took her upstairs to her bed. She came back down the stairs looking older than her seventeen years. Dumbledore spoke again.

"I am worried about you, Lily. You seem to put too much pressure on this promise of yours. And your gift isn't as uncommon as you might have thought. We have Empaths in the wizarding world. I can get one of them to come and speak to you, and help you if you want…" He was going to continue speaking, but Lily interrupted him:

"Excuse me, sir, I'm not an Empath. I've already researched those and their traits are different to mine. You've only discovered part of my Talent. Empaths understand people's feelings, but they don't feel them as their own. They see it around them as an aura. But I feel the emotions as my own, although I can trace from whom they come. Not only can I do that, but by touching them I can send feelings back. If someone nearby is feeling strong emotions, I feel duty-bound to do so. If they are sad, I send them happiness. If they are anxious, I send them calm. When my mother feels pain and worry, I can calm her. It's a useful talent, but also a curse. I walk around Hogwarts every day and I can feel everyone's pain. I can feel their problems and all their anger. I know where everyone in the castle is. When it comes to exam stress, I don't only have my own, I have everyone's. During the exams themselves, I can feel people's gladness when they know the answers, and annoyance when they don't. It takes me a long time to block out other people's feelings so I can get on with the exam myself."

During the beginning of Lily's speech, Dumbledore had been trying to interrupt but was not successful. He had seated himself on the sofa, and in his surprise he had not acknowledged the family cat settling onto his lap and washing herself. He was absently-mindedly stroking her, and when Lly stopped talking he looked down in surprise at the animal. Lily seemed to notice the cat for the first time as well, and quickly shooed her away.

Dumbledore tried to speak, and again Lily interrupted him: "I don't mean it's always a curse, sir. When I go to a wedding, for example, it's amazing. But it's always a burden. I can't go anywhere without almost always feeling all possible emotions. I wouldn't let my worst enemy have this curse, because I literally have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. At least I know it's in safe hands. So because of my Talent, if nothing else, I must be the one to look after my mother, because I can help her in a way that no-one else can. I've encountered Voldemort, like everyone else who was in Hogwarts last year. But I was unconscious for more than a week afterwards. He is so full of hate and malice that my brain practically shut down from the feelings in him. This is the burden of my life."

Dumbledore leant back and recalled the catastrophe that had occurred last year at Hogwarts…

END OF CHAPTER

A/N : YEY my next chapter. I am sorry it took me ages to update. I will try to put things up more regularly. I am also sorry it is shorter than the rest. But this just seemed the best place to leave it. I would also like to say that I only wrote this today (12.08.08(British date)) and so it has not been beta'd yet. I have sent it to her so I am hoping she will have it done soon. However I am going on holiday next week so if she sends it back to me then you will have to wait. SORRY. And once again people.

REVIEW!!


	7. Chapter 6: Dumbledore's Descision

Chapter 6: Dumbledore's Decision

Dumbledore sighed. Of course he remembered the terrible events of last year. His school had lost fifteen students in one day, many others had been rushed to St. Mungo's, and he could not shake the feeling that he was responsible for it; Hogwarts was his school.

But Lily, he thought, returning quickly to the matter at hand. Lily had been an odd case. She had been fine before and during the fight, but when she was sent to the Great Hall afterwards she collapsed, screamed and fainted onto the floor. She was in St. Mungo's for more than a week, but they found nothing wrong with her; nobody knew what happened on that day apart from Lily herself, and she refused to tell anybody.

Now Dumbledore put all the pieces together. He looked at Lily, tapping his chin.

"What happened on the day of the fight, Lily?"

It felt like the hundredth time he had asked her the question, but this time was different – this time Lily answered.

"I was running on adrenaline, sir – I was feeling his anger and malice and – sir, I've felt hate before but nothing like this. When other people hate, it's the result of another feeling; jealousy or anger. Love even. But _he _had nothing else – just pure hate for everyone, and sir I'm ashamed to say it but I used it for a while to fuel me while I was fighting the Death Eaters but oh Merlin it was hard."

Dumbledore's piercing blue gaze was fixed unwaveringly on Lily's face.

"I wouldn't have been able to last much longer," she garbled, "but then you came and sent us away and by the time we got to the Hall he had realised you were there. I was trying to block out his feelings, I was using my relief for the living and my sorrow for the dead, but – the anger he felt when he saw you –

"He wanted you dead and was ready to use every attack he could to kill you, and I couldn't block that out so I retreated inside myself for a week to clear my mind of all that hate."

Lily paused and took a deep breath, terrified that if she continued she would be sucked back into the past.

"I came back because I felt my mother's love. I could feel her collapse inside when she saw me; feel her terror when she thought I would end up like Dad."

Dumbledore sighed again as he studied Lily's face, thinking of the horrors that this seventeen-year-old had been forced to face. Although she looked like a teenager, her eyes were the same as his and McGonagall's; they were the eyes of one who has lived through a war and lost too much. The only difference was that her war was a personal one – she was fighting the same battles as her peers, but she unlike them was cursed to suffer the anguish of the dying and grieving.

Lily stared at Dumbledore, trying to work out what he was thinking. His deep regret beat like a pulse inside him, heavy and sad, and as the moments passed she realised that his regret was in anticipation of something he was about to do.

A split second later, she realised what that something was.

"You can't, sir! I need to look after my mother. I will work hard, sir – you know I will – but she needs me. Please!"

"I am sorry Lily," said Dumbledore quietly, "but I cannot allow you to keep coming back here for your mother. I will find a qualified Healer to look after her, of that you can be certain – but I cannot let you do it yourself."

"But –"

"If I had realised the depth of what you meant when you sent me that letter, I would not have even considered letting you do this; but I did not see. You are my responsibility, Lily, and so far I have failed you – but no more."

"Professor –"

"Additionally, you cannot leave school early as it has already been announced that you are Head Girl." No announcement of the kind had taken place, but Lily was not to know that.

"Please, sir. Please let me look after her," pleaded Lily.

"Lily. I cannot let a student in good health continually hurt themselves if it is within my power to prevent it."

The only thing keeping Lily from storming from the room was the slight chance that she might be able to win him over, and Dumbledore knew it. The thought made him weary.

"Now, I will let you see your mother for one weekend a month, but if you wish to visit her at any other time I or another teacher must be present and the carer must know two days in advance. I am sure that whoever I hire will keep you updated on your mother's health."

"No – no – please. Sir, you can't, you _can't_."

"I have to, Lily. I am deeply sorry that it upsets you, but keeping you safe is my main priority. You will have to learn to cope with these conditions. Now, I am going to Apparate back to Hogwarts with you, and once you are there, you cannot Apparate back – as I am sure you know." He gave her a stern look, knowing that she would consider Apparating back to her mother's side in her desperation.

"No – sir, ple—"

Lily had no time to say anything more, because it was then that Dumbledore Apparated her away from her home and her mother – her mother, who slept deeply and would not realise what had happened until the morning.

Waking up to find Madame Pomfrey's face only inches from her own was not the best way to start a day, Lily decided.

"Lily," began the young healer, tenderly. "Why were you crying in your sleep?" It was best to ask before her mother came over and tried to broach the subject.

Lily turned to face Poppy, her eyes still red, and – to her shame – promptly started crying again. "I am very upset," she said, managing only these words before fresh sobs engulfed her.

Madame Pomfrey busied herself with smoothing the sheets over Lily's feet. "Why?"

Lily managed to swallow her sobs. "Never you mind," she said, forcing herself to smile and laugh. "It was just Lily being silly. Typical. No problem." Madame Pomfrey gave her a shrewd look. "Really, no problem at all."

Just then, to Lily's intense relief, the young healer was hustled out of the hospital wing by her mother, and while she was being told off Lily slid out of bed and hurried from the infirmary. She ran to her new bedroom and locked the door with the most complex locking charm she could remember.

And then she sat on her bed and cried and cried.

She knew that her mother had just found out – she could feel it. Desperately she grabbed a bag of floo powder, used her magic to start a fire in the empty grate and threw the powder into the conjured flames, but to no avail. The flames remained stubbornly orange. Dumbledore had blocked the fireplace beforehand, knowing that she would try to get to her mother that way.

It was at times like this that she cursed her extraordinary talent. She felt what her mother felt and knew that she could help her, but she had no way of getting to her side; she was tormented by the knowing.

Lily left her room at lunchtime and decided to go down to the kitchens for lunch. She did not feel much like other peoples' company right now.

She had Defense Against the Dark Arts next, after all, and she needed to prepare.

Sirius was annoyed.

James was supposed to have met him for lunch half an hour ago, but he had failed to show up – now everyone was in the Great Hall, taking all the best food.

The next thing he knew, he was blue.

Peter, who was standing faithfully at his side, had apparently become bored and hexed his skin blue. He looked very proud of this achievement; it was not often that one of his spells went off without a hitch.

"Hey!"

Sirius turned and snatched Wormtail's wand from his grasp, flicking it lazily in his direction and turning him pink. Since Sirius was far more skilled in magic, however, he had used his wand to cover Peter in pink paint which would not come off without the aid of magic.

James laughed. He had appeared in time to see a blue Sirius charm Peter pink. Very funny.

"Wormy, mate, I reckon you've been out-pranked – although well done for turning him blue without blowing anything up this time. Now as I am late – before you tell me off, Paddy – let's go down to the kitchens. I don't feel like joining the rest of the school today."

Peter was nodding, but Sirius looked unconvinced. James leaned in closer, lowering his voice.

"You've just given me the best idea for a prank, and I want to have it ready to go for when Mooney gets back."


	8. Chapter 7: The Morning After

Chapter 8

Lily walked towards the kitchen as one condemned. She was not thinking straight, and she knew that her mother did not like the carer Dumbledore had got for her.

She was about to open the door to the kitchens when she heart laughter. _Funny_, she found herself thinking. _It feels like years since I heard people laughing, but in reality it was only yesterday._

The Marauders loved the house elves and were loved back in equal measure. Ever since their first year they had always succeeded in persuading them to help out with their pranks, and they had just coerced an elf called Dolly into helping with their next one. The only problem was, they didn't know what to do. James, Peter and Sirius had converged in the kitchens to discuss this matter, while Remus was still in the hospital wing.

"What about turning all the Slytherins pink – and making them do acrobatics in the hall?"

"No. We should make the prefects look like clowns and have them juggle the new firstees."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you, Peter. Right. How do we do that? Changing them into clowns should be easy; we could put a potion in their drinks… No, no, I have it: we place a spell over the door to the Great Hall that turns any prefects to clowns. Then, as every firstee comes past, Remus can spell them into the foetal position and then he can work out how to get the prefects to juggle them."

"Have you been studying over half term, Sirius?"

"No you prat. It's just my genius side showing." Sirius preened, catching his reflection in one of the pans that hung on the wall and running his hand through his hair.

Peter and James glanced at each other, then at Sirius, and then back at each other, their mouths tight as they tried to contain their laughter. It was no use – both of them dissolved.

Peter was the first to recover. "Paddy. Do you really think we believe that?"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Lily slid to the floor. Tears coursed down her cheeks. How could she pretend that everything was fine when it wasn't? And if she wasn't sure if she could do it today, then how was she going to survive the rest of the school year? Half of Hogwarts already thought she was a nervous wreck thanks to her outburst in the Great Hall.

Remus peered round the entrance to the Great Hall, trying not to look furtive, but one quick sweep with his gaze assured him that his friends were not at the Gryffindor table. He had suspected as much. The Great Hall was not the best place to plan pranks, and they had been overheard many a time by teachers or interfering prefects.

They must be in the kitchens, surrounded by thick steam and house elves, which was where the Marauders brewed up the majority of their plans.

He made his way down to the kitchens, his mind conjuring up all sorts of images regarding the prank the others were planning – was there any way to tame down their ideas or was it a hopeless cause? However, he was distracted from these thoughts as he approached the painting of the fruit bowl and heard crying.

Instantly his heart leapt to his throat, because the sobs that he heard were not small hiccups but great, heart-rending sobs that sounded as though someone's heart was being wrenched from its moorings, string by string.

He followed his ears (it was the day after the full moon and his senses were still as finely-tuned as a wolf's) to the source of the sobbing, realising that it originated in a dark passage close to the painting. Hesitating for a second, Remus turned the corner—

—To be almost bowled over by a streak of red and black. It was Lily Evans, and she was sobbing and running in the opposite direction, tears coursing down her cheeks which she made no attempt to hide.

Lily saw Remus, but she ignored him and kept running. She would just have to go hungry, because she could not face the Great Hall and Dumbledore and she could _not _face Potter and his gang. She felt utterly alone and surrounded by voices, all at once.

Lily raced through the hallways of Hogwarts, panting and sobbing her way towards the solace of her quiet bedroom.

Remus was shocked, and that was an understatement.

Lily Evans _never _cried. From what he knew of her, which was a lot, she was the type of person to bottle her feelings in her chest and deal with her problems in private. If she cried, it was when nobody could see her, although he had always assumed that she never felt the need to cry.

Yet she had just run straight past him, bawling her eyes out. What on earth could have made her do that?

And then he heard the laughter from the kitchens.

Anger flexed its wings inside his stomach as he pieced together what must have happened. James. James had done something to make Lily Evans cry.

For a moment, he was torn between going to Lily and confronting James, but reason told him that Lily did not want him, or anybody, to see her crying, and so he tickled the pear and marched into the kitchens.

James, Sirius and Peter were deep in conversation, their heads bent together as they plotted their next prank. They did not see him, and Remus gestured to the house-elves to keep quiet as he crept up behind them.

"But will Mooney agree?" James said.

Now standing close behind James's shoulder, Remus put on a Bloody Baron voice and said, "Agree… with… what?"

The three Marauders jumped in unison, all of them thinking the same thing: SHIT. Remus laughed but without humour.

His three friends turned around to face him. Sirius flexed his fist and a flush crept into James's cheeks, but both of them were grinning widely. Pettigrew still looked scared for a moment, then relieved, then adoring.

"Wow, Remus, how do you _do _that?"

Remus tapped his nose, trying not to look as though he had practiced for this moment for weeks, and then anger flared up within him again as he turned to face James.

"What the hell did you do to Lily?"

There was a pause. James's mouth hung open. "Mooney, what are you on about?"

"I came down from the hospital wing," said Remus, "to find Lily crying her eyes out. Then I heard you laugh. I'm not stupid. What the HELL did you DO?" he snarled, his restraint snapping, and he felt the wolf inside him take over for a second. Lily was one of his best friends; she had been the first of any of them to discover his secret, and he felt almost as though she was his sister. Seeing her crying made him feel fiercely protective of her.

James stumbled back.

"Honestly Mooney – I have no idea what you're on about. Can you please calm down? You're starting to scare me and Wormy looks like he's about to wet himself."

Sirius burst out laughing, and Wormtail looked at the ground and mumbled, "It was only the once." Remus grew calmer as his friend's laughter washed over him.

"Why was she crying then? It was definitely Lily I saw."

"Crying?" said Sirius, raising an eyebrow.

"Crying."

James clapped his palms together. "I don't know mate, but if we don't get going now Minnie will kill us for being late."

The four boys grabbed some food from the house-elves, who were only too glad to supply, and hurried up to the transfigurations room. Only to be shouted at by Professor McGonagall for not being in the Great Hall to receive their timetable, thus going to the wrong lesson. It was not the best start to being head boy James thought. _'Being shouted at by your head of house in front of the first years. Nope not a good start at all'_


	9. AUTHOR'S NOTE

This is a double author's note – the first and minor thing is I am still writing.

The main thing is today at 6:31, one of my mates Matt died in a train accident – he was always helping me with my stories and giving me ideas in our physics lessons.

May he have found in death what he had just started looking for in life.

As you can imagine you will have to wait even longer for me to update again.

Thank you,

(a very un)happy-reder007


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